<![CDATA[Buzznet: All Media by kasperobscene]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/ en-us 207 <![CDATA[we're not broken yet. we're not letting go.]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2970851/not-broken-not-letting-go/ Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-09-05T06:25:02Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 6 0 <![CDATA[i hate doing this, but i need advice.]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2963691/i-hate-doing-this-but/ Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-09-03T16:16:46Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 5 0 <![CDATA[SHIT I THINK I JUST OUTGAYED MYSELF. 1000000 ANARCHIST POINTS FOR ME.]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2962211/shit-i-think-i-just/ Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-09-03T12:23:23Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 5 0 <![CDATA[EMO KASPER IS EMO LOL]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2961021/emo-kasper-emo-lol/ avenged sevenfold zacky vengeance Buzznet,avenged sevenfold,zacky vengeance kasperobscene 2008-09-03T04:46:11Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 4 0 <![CDATA[when they pin me to the wall i'll say i'm with america...]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2879151/they-pin-me-wall-ill/
very short warped recap:
cobra starship own my heart. the academy is... are a million times better live than on record, in my humble opinion. travis mccoy needs to be president or something, he is far too awesome for this world. gabe saporta? still radiates cool, still stupidly, ridiculously beautiful. also caught some of street dogs' set. there was a circle pit. exciting!

and on saturday i got to hang with a friend of mine who i've known on the internet literally since pete doherty made good music. and that's a long time ago, people. ahahah i am mean. but yes, anyway.

ryland told me my shirt was badass. it has a roland synth on it and as such, of course, is just that. but you guys, i have a RYLAND APPROVED T-SHIRT. i win.

off to the east coast in a couple of days, to new york and boston to hang with some friends. should be good fun, and i'm glad i'll get to see that part of the country as well.
]]> Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-08-18T14:16:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 9 0 <![CDATA[this was going to be about gender. it's more about my body. huh.]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2835521/this-was-going-gender-more/ gender outlaw by kate bornstein, and so here is yet another rambly post about gender and body image from the kasper j. obscene.

my flat is positioned such that no one can look through my windows. because of this, i've been spending a great deal of my time indoors topless. and dudes, it has worked wonders for my relationship with my body. well, of course it's not just that i'm bouncing around the house without a top on, but a combination of that and a general shift in how i view myself and my own situation regarding my gender has caused me to finally be able to see my body for what it is, and to slowly begin to appreciate it for exactly what it is: my body.

because the thing is, it's not exactly the way i'd like it to be, and i'm not planning on it staying the way it is for the rest of my life, but for now it's what i've got to work with, and i have the right to be OK with that. and i am. it's taken me a long time, but finally, at the age of twenty-three, my body and i? we're cool. there is no beef. i can look at myself topless in the mirror and go "yeah, i'm alright". from a certain angle, in a certain light, y'know, i don't look so bad, even with my clothes off, and i'm finally ready to accept that.

people who are not trans have a lot of ideas about what it means to be trans, and those of us who are trans sometimes agree with these, and sometimes we don't. and sometimes we don't agree with each other, and that's ok, too. personally, i don't see myself as a "man trapped in a woman's body". i am a man, and the body i inhabit is mine, no one else's, and as such, it is a man's body. because it is my body, and i am a man. do you see? it really is that simple.

and by defining my body in such a way, i am reclaiming it and redefining my relationship with it. because i have the right to define my body. it does not define me.

another thing i can't stop thinking about is how my physical appearance is read by other people. at this point, i have no idea if most people read me as male or female, gay or straight, or if i just confuse the hell out of most people i encounter. probably the latter, and i am beginning to realise that i really don't mind.

i do think, however, that i read pretty easily as queer to most anyone who has any idea about this sort of thing. that is, if you realise that queer people exist, you will probably think i am one of them. and i am even more OK with that; it's what i am, it is who i am, and being read as what i am makes a lot more sense to me and makes me feel a lot more comfortable than being read as something i'm not (in this case, straight).

except for when it becomes a problem. and i realise i am incredibly privileged in that i live somewhere i am unlikely to ever run into any huge problems because of being or being read as queer. because i have that privilege - the privilege of both living in a fairly quiet, non-violent, accepting area, and of having the law on my side should any discrimination occur at any point - i don't need to hide who i am. so i don't.

i must clarify at this point that i don't actually, nor have i ever, make a point of trying to look queer. in all honesty, i'm not even sure how i would do that. what i do know, though, is that, purely because i am pretty androgynous looking both from nature's side and in terms of how i dress, i would have to make a concerted effort in order to pass convincingly as straight. and i am not prepared to do that; i don't really do "effort", and the only reason i ever would try to pass as straight, or as anything else that i'm not, would be for my own personal safety, and as stated above, that is thankfully not an issue. again, i realise how privileged i am that this is the case.

of course, i did endure those years of absolute hell known as high school where i was less lucky, where looking "normal" did matter, where you would get in trouble for being different, and definitely for looking gay, and i failed spectacularly at passing as what i wasn't then, too. but even then, i got off light. i did a lot of shouting and scared the boys by wearing badges that said things like "suck my left one" and "dead men don't rape". to any  teenage girls reading this: seriously, if you're being harrassed by boys in school, get badges like that. they work a treat.

but i digress. my point: the only thing i've ever made an effort to look like is me. and i think i do a pretty  good job of looking like a kasper. but i have no idea what other people see when they see me, aside from the fact that if they know anything about anything, they probably read me as not being entirely straight. but do they read me as a boy or a girl?

it depends. when interacting with people who don't know me, i sometimes get "she"d, sometimes "he"d, and sometimes i notice people making an effort not to use pronouns because they don't know which ones to use.

and it's awkward, sometimes, because i'm a pretty shy, timid kinda guy, really. i don't like correcting people, and i don't like drawing attention to myself, so having to go "actually, i'm a guy" when people think i'm a girl isn't something i'm overly fond of doing. sometimes i do correct people, sometimes my friends do it for me, and sometimes i just let it slide, either because i figure the person will realise their mistake sooner or later, or because they're someone i won't be seeing again and so it doesn't matter.

and what's my point with telling you all of this? my point is that i am realising more and more what i look like, what other people think i look like, how i read to other people, and how much i confuse people. and more importantly i am realising that i don't mind. as long as my safety isn't at stake, i don't mind confusing people. i don't mind that most people probably can't tell if i'm a girl or a boy at first glance. and i like being read as queer and quite androgynous, because that is what i am.

and you know what? i like what i am, and i like who i am.  i  am finally starting to feel  like my presentation matches my  identity, i feel at home in my own body even though i've got some changes planned for it, and god damn it, i like the way i look.
]]> Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-08-10T17:05:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 2 0 <![CDATA[poetry about the only thing that matters.]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2733731/poetry-only-thing-matters/ all the ugliness that traps me, tries to bring me down
i will not let it swallow me whole
i will not go down that road again

words like a hug from a stranger who understands
or kisses on your neck when you need it
a smile not meant for you, but still you take it
and you hold on to it, because it works
you take what you can get because you need it

anything that works is worth the pain
every song a reminder to hold on
every word, every line sung like a prayer
to some god that comes alive with the guitars

it is loud and it is dirty, it is urgent
it is everything, your life, it holds your heart
your soul spills out when you sing along, you come to life again
and you know what this is: this is your home.
]]> Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-07-24T01:38:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 3 0 <![CDATA[perception vs reality (a poem)]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2728331/perception-vs-reality-poem/ always focusing on the polar opposites
of my potential and that which might be my downfall
and she cries, she wants to save me, but she can't

my father sees a grin, he hears a laugh
he sees hope in me that others overlook
he gave me back my strength when i needed it the most
and people sees him in me; he agrees

my grandmother sees a little girl grown up
into something she doesn't quite understand
she sees me in a suit, and she laughs: "you're a boy!"
but she doesn't know. she must never know.

my friends saw me change, saw my anger build
they saw me grow; some cheered me on,
some fell by the wayside
as i made myself into a person i could face in the mirror

i see a boy, frightened
a man, trying to be strong,
that scared little kid still in there somewhere
holding back the screams, trying to disappear

and i cannot be everything to everyone
but i try to give pieces of myself
to the people who want them, those that will see
what i want them to see when they look at me
]]> Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-07-23T07:58:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 5 0 <![CDATA[poetic musings on a bad habit]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2727491/poetic-musings-bad-habit/ your self control flushed down the drain
and whatever you thought you were doing this for is gone now

headaches where your mind once was
a fog surrounding everything  you see
(you'll lose yourself in it if you're not careful)

keep telling yourself that if you hurt yourself enough
it means other people can't
(repeat it until it comes true)

the temporary rush will soon give way to more sadness
it's not worth it, this you know, but you don't care

throwing up just to feel your heart beat
(at least that way you know it's still there)

]]> Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-07-23T02:36:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 9 0 <![CDATA[exposed/hiding]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/photos/exposed-hiding/?id=40550651 exposedhiding
it's funny how it's sometimes easy to expose parts of yourself that are best kept hidden, while other, less personal aspects of yourself suddenly seem to cry out to be hidden away. like the shame that's always there has become misplaced somehow. or just channeled in different ways. though the sun has started setting, we won't feel the effects of that for another month or so. i do get some sleep, though. mostly in the early afternoons. i've even been enjoying my dreams lately. old men, submarines. shame is a funny thing. it likes to bite you in the ass when you least expect it. when you thought you were over it. you never really are.]]> kasperobscene photography theobscenesters Buzznet,kasperobscene,photography,theobscenesters kasperobscene 2008-07-21T21:46:02Z http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/exposed_hiding--thumb-msg-121670196254.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/exposed_hiding--synd-msg-121670196254.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/exposed_hiding--mob-msg-121670196254.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/exposed_hiding--gallery-msg-121670196254.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/exposed_hiding--large-msg-121670196254.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/exposed_hiding--feat-msg-121670196254.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/msg-121670196254.jpg 5 0 <![CDATA[my grandmother and i, many summers ago]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/photos/my-grandmother-i-many-summers/?id=40543051 my grandmother and i many summers ago
when she still lived on the defunct farm that gave us our surname, before she became old and frail and started forgetting our names, i spent all my childhood summers in her house. she turns ninety in november. they say it's for the best that she will die without knowing the truth about who and what i am. i am trying to believe them, but it hurts. i am so ashamed.]]> kasperobscene theobscenesters Buzznet,kasperobscene,theobscenesters kasperobscene 2008-07-21T19:03:41Z http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/my_grandmother_and_i_many_summers_ago--thumb-msg-121669222164.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/my_grandmother_and_i_many_summers_ago--synd-msg-121669222164.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/my_grandmother_and_i_many_summers_ago--mob-msg-121669222164.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/my_grandmother_and_i_many_summers_ago--gallery-msg-121669222164.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/my_grandmother_and_i_many_summers_ago--large-msg-121669222164.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/my_grandmother_and_i_many_summers_ago--feat-msg-121669222164.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/msg-121669222164.jpg 13 0 <![CDATA[you're so bad for me.]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/photos/youre-bad-me/?id=40532451 you're so bad for me.
days spent chained to cigarettes - "you don't get out enough". but my pale skin matches my headaches, and i need something to do with my hands. when one bad habit leaves, an old one returns (i have learned this the hard way in the past). but i am clinging to something, something almost like sanity, trusting it to carry me through my sleepless nights and fight off my unwanted dreams when i just want to rest. everything i want is bad for me. the worst things are never sold in packs of twenty.]]> kasperobscene photography theobscenesters writing Buzznet,kasperobscene,photography,theobscenesters,writing kasperobscene 2008-07-21T15:42:02Z http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/you_re_so_bad_for_me.--thumb-msg-121668012299.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/you_re_so_bad_for_me.--synd-msg-121668012299.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/you_re_so_bad_for_me.--mob-msg-121668012299.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/you_re_so_bad_for_me.--gallery-msg-121668012299.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/you_re_so_bad_for_me.--large-msg-121668012299.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/you_re_so_bad_for_me.--feat-msg-121668012299.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/msg-121668012299.jpg 5 0 <![CDATA[there's more to life than books, you know (but not much more)]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/photos/theres-more-life-books-you/?id=40523551 there's more to life than books you know but not much more
i moved into my new flat months ago, but i've only just started getting organised. tonight i put a few of my books and records in the only shelf i have. the majority is still in boxes in my attic - most of the books are ones i've bought very recently - but it feels comforting to have at least something resembling a proper bookshelf again. i love reading, and i love that i'm getting back into the habit of reading after a few years of doing very little of it.]]> kasperobscene photography theobscenesters Buzznet,kasperobscene,photography,theobscenesters kasperobscene 2008-07-21T14:28:29Z http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/there_s_more_to_life_than_books_you_know_but_not--thumb-msg-121667570945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/there_s_more_to_life_than_books_you_know_but_not--synd-msg-121667570945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/there_s_more_to_life_than_books_you_know_but_not--mob-msg-121667570945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/there_s_more_to_life_than_books_you_know_but_not--gallery-msg-121667570945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/there_s_more_to_life_than_books_you_know_but_not--large-msg-121667570945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/there_s_more_to_life_than_books_you_know_but_not--feat-msg-121667570945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/msg-121667570945.jpg 2 0 <![CDATA[sleepless nights and restless early mornings]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/photos/sleepless-nights-restless-early-mornings/?id=40291361 sleepless nights and restless early mornings
there's always this noise in my head, it won't let me sleep. sometimes there are pictures, too, i can see them with my eyes half open, but they're clearer when my eyes are closed. imagined surroundings that seem real at the time, making me worry how insane i really am. but sanity seems like something that never was, an abstract concept, or something for other people, when the best i can hope for is some rest at inconvenient times, when the sleepless hypomania has faded and i feel my body begin to tire again, my eyes shutting involuntarily. i can never sleep if i try to. it is always an accident, but mostly a happy one. i long for peaceful, dreamless sleep. i dream too much when i'm awake, i want my dreams to leave my sleep alone.]]> kasperobscene photography theobscenesters Buzznet,kasperobscene,photography,theobscenesters kasperobscene 2008-07-17T20:25:49Z http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/sleepless_nights_and_restless_early_mornings--thumb-msg-121635154945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/sleepless_nights_and_restless_early_mornings--synd-msg-121635154945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/sleepless_nights_and_restless_early_mornings--mob-msg-121635154945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/sleepless_nights_and_restless_early_mornings--gallery-msg-121635154945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/sleepless_nights_and_restless_early_mornings--large-msg-121635154945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/sleepless_nights_and_restless_early_mornings--feat-msg-121635154945.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/msg-121635154945.jpg 5 0 <![CDATA[big paintings. big words. (poetry.)]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2688971/big-paintings-big-words-poetry/ after bedtime, but before we went to sleep
it felt like something big, something important
(but it can't be, no, it never is, not with us)

hands going where hands shouldn't go
(but it feels right, so how can it be wrong?)
confessions whispered, some things left unspoken
(i'll tell you later, i know i will, i must)

and there's a yearning, a longing, such a softness
and we both know it can't be - we can pretend
is it over now? perhaps it never started
but it felt so real when you were in my hands.


]]> Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-07-16T04:00:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 2 0 <![CDATA[on who i was, who i became, and who i am (a poem)]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2622271/who-i-was-who-i/ her i fought with the boys
in the playground, refusing to admit defeat
knowing i was weaker, i was clumsy
but needing to prove that i was strong

i grew older, they grew meaner, and i fought
with my eyes and with my words,
their mouths wide open as i spoke
of something they had never known,
would never know

and my anger grew, as did my defiance
and there was something, not quite hope,
more like a daydream
that kept me snarling, shouting, fighting back

when i became him, i was softer,
feeling the touch of another boy
the way it should be, for the first time

there are songs i remember, touches
glances and words, a few pictures
and i tried to piece it all together
to make a person who looked a bit like me

so i made that person, somehow
and became him
but the cracks still show, the glue won't stick
and i find myself so scared
to be exposed, to be found weak
like the child i once was on that playground
a lifted t-shirt exposing something they didn't have

my fear turns to anger and back again to fear
and as i long for peace i know i must keep fighting
for people like me there is no escape

]]> Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-07-03T16:40:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 18 0 <![CDATA[OH SHIT! i'll be in the pride parade tomorrow.]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2590001/oh-shit-ill-pride-parade/ i SO wasn't going to, because i SO hate this kind of shit for so many really wanky but TOTALLY POLITICAL AND IMPORTANT reasons, but i'm in oslo now and my friends are going, so i kind of have no choice.

plus, the people i'm going with are cool kids, and obviously i'll be with the anarchists and that, not the really twatty homos.

but still. ugh. i normally vow to go straight in june just so i won't have to take part in this shit.

:(

PRAY FOR MY TINY HOMO HEART.

ok, i'll stop spamming now. LOL i love how i've made two blogs within 5 seconds and they're about, like, MISANDRY AND GAYOSITY i am amazing and blates hate myself.

]]> duck mary pirates sf Buzznet,duck,mary pirates,sf kasperobscene 2008-06-27T17:41:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 8 0 <![CDATA[i read the SCUM manifesto before i really knew who andy warhol was.]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2589921/i-read-scum-manifesto-before/ so knowing that its author, valerie solanas, had tried to murder warhol, didn't bother me much.

then i developed more of an idea of who he was, and it bothered me even less.


what i am trying to say here, should you not be paying attention, is that i really fucking hate andy fucking warhol. and the scum manifesto is a really fucking important book.

i mean, ok, she was batshit, and the book more than proves that, but i still genuinely believe it to be an important work. i should probably re-read it, it's been about eight years, but it left a stronger impression on me than almost anything else i've read.

man, though. andy fucking warhol. most overrated, talentless piece of shit ever. not that i'm advocating murder or anything, but...

]]> Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-06-27T17:17:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 14 0 <![CDATA[wasting, drifting. happy.]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2569331/wasting-drifting-happy/ Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-06-24T07:10:56Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 6 0 <![CDATA[so yeah, the whole "sober and celibate" thing really didn't work out.]]> http://kasperobscene.buzznet.com/user/journal/2564541/yeah-whole-sober-celibate-thing/ and now my life is veering dangerously close to slight drama territory. i am such an asshole.

no, really. i am a complete dickhead.

"you should try saying no once in a while"

yeah. probably. ahaha. but booze and cute boys is just so much... easier. and i've always been a sucker for the easy way out. or in. whichever.

why is it that absolutely everything i do is a symptom of how fucked in the head i am?

urgh. i swear, if i'd just gone straight edge at 16 like i considered back then, and stuck with it, i would actually be a fairly decent person now. but instead i dance and drink and screw because there's nothing else to doo-ooooo-ooooooooo.

this whole "respect for oneself and other people" thing? what is that about? how does that work?

]]> Buzznet kasperobscene 2008-06-23T10:44:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 10 0