kasperobscene2007--0-3-T26: 1:3:-08:00i'm a short norwegian dude who spends too much time on the internet and cares too much about popular music. i am all about meeting new people, so feel free to introduce yourself.buzznet:user:id:423730http://www.buzznet.com/Copyright (c) 2005, Buzznet, Inc.kasperobscenePrivateexposed/hidingbuzznet:user:entry:id:405506512008--0-7-T21: 2:1:-08:002008--0-7-T21: 2:1:-08:002008--0-7-T21: 2:1:-08:00kasperobscene it's funny how it's sometimes easy to expose parts of yourself that are best kept hidden, while other, less personal aspects of yourself suddenly seem to cry out to be hidden away. like the shame that's always there has become misplaced somehow. or just channeled in different ways.
though the sun has started setting, we won't feel the effects of that for another month or so. i do get some sleep, though. mostly in the early afternoons. i've even been enjoying my dreams lately. old men, submarines.
shame is a funny thing. it likes to bite you in the ass when you least expect it. when you thought you were over it. you never really are.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121670196254.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121670196254.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121670196254.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121670196254.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121670196254.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121670196254.jpgmy grandmother and i, many summers agobuzznet:user:entry:id:405430512008--0-7-T21: 1:9:-08:002008--0-7-T21: 1:9:-08:002008--0-7-T21: 1:9:-08:00kasperobscene when she still lived on the defunct farm that gave us our surname, before she became old and frail and started forgetting our names, i spent all my childhood summers in her house.
she turns ninety in november. they say it's for the best that she will die without knowing the truth about who and what i am. i am trying to believe them, but it hurts. i am so ashamed.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121669222164.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121669222164.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121669222164.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121669222164.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121669222164.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121669222164.jpgyou're so bad for me.buzznet:user:entry:id:405324512008--0-7-T21: 1:5:-08:002008--0-7-T21: 1:5:-08:002008--0-7-T21: 1:5:-08:00kasperobscene days spent chained to cigarettes - "you don't get out enough".
but my pale skin matches my headaches, and i need something to do with my hands.
when one bad habit leaves, an old one returns (i have learned this the hard way in the past).
but i am clinging to something, something almost like sanity,
trusting it to carry me through my sleepless nights
and fight off my unwanted dreams when i just want to rest.
everything i want is bad for me. the worst things are never sold in packs of twenty.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121668012299.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121668012299.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121668012299.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121668012299.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121668012299.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121668012299.jpgthere's more to life than books, you know (but not much more)buzznet:user:entry:id:405235512008--0-7-T21: 1:4:-08:002008--0-7-T21: 1:4:-08:002008--0-7-T21: 1:4:-08:00kasperobscene i moved into my new flat months ago, but i've only just started getting organised. tonight i put a few of my books and records in the only shelf i have. the majority is still in boxes in my attic - most of the books are ones i've bought very recently - but it feels comforting to have at least something resembling a proper bookshelf again.
i love reading, and i love that i'm getting back into the habit of reading after a few years of doing very little of it.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121667570945.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121667570945.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121667570945.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121667570945.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121667570945.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121667570945.jpgsleepless nights and restless early morningsbuzznet:user:entry:id:402913612008--0-7-T17: 2:0:-08:002008--0-7-T17: 2:0:-08:002008--0-7-T17: 2:0:-08:00kasperobscene there's always this noise in my head, it won't let me sleep. sometimes there are pictures, too, i can see them with my eyes half open, but they're clearer when my eyes are closed. imagined surroundings that seem real at the time, making me worry how insane i really am.
but sanity seems like something that never was, an abstract concept, or something for other people, when the best i can hope for is some rest at inconvenient times, when the sleepless hypomania has faded and i feel my body begin to tire again, my eyes shutting involuntarily.
i can never sleep if i try to. it is always an accident, but mostly a happy one. i long for peaceful, dreamless sleep. i dream too much when i'm awake, i want my dreams to leave my sleep alone.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121635154945.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121635154945.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121635154945.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121635154945.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121635154945.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121635154945.jpgGraffiti, blitz.buzznet:user:entry:id:386072312008--0-6-T22: 2:3:-08:002008--0-6-T22: 2:3:-08:002008--0-6-T22: 2:3:-08:00kasperobscene There's this legendary semi-legal squat in oslo called blitz. The whole building is covered in graffiti. It makes me very happy.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121420170442.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121420170442.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121420170442.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121420170442.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121420170442.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121420170442.jpgfighting for silencebuzznet:user:entry:id:380480412008--0-6-T13: 2:1:-08:002008--0-6-T13: 2:1:-08:002008--0-6-T13: 2:1:-08:00kasperobscene there is no silence in my world
it is full of voices, melodies and noises
fighting for my attention as i try to fight them off
praying to a god i don't believe in for some quiet
and i wonder where it all began
all my life there's been this noise,
demanding my attention,
never giving me peace
tearing me away from my own life, my own body
and the noise never stops.
nor do the images, vivid and strong,
pulling me toward themselves
robbing me of my solitude and the chance of peaceful sleep.
try to strip it down to nothing, but there's always something left
and i never go to sleep until the morning.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121341756161.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121341756161.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121341756161.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121341756161.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121341756161.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121341756161.jpgthis is so old, but i so don't care.buzznet:user:entry:id:380210912008--0-6-T13: 1:2:-08:002008--0-6-T13: 1:2:-08:002008--0-6-T13: 1:2:-08:00kasperobscene i can't stop laughing at the idea of ian mackaye watching people masturbate, i'm sorry. dear god, i've gone wrong in the mind tank.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121338483663.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121338483663.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121338483663.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121338483663.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121338483663.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121338483663.jpgi need to stop posting semi nudes of myself.buzznet:user:entry:id:379898412008--0-6-T12: 2:1:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 2:1:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 2:1:-08:00kasperobscene i am far too obsessed with trying to understand my own body lately.
Self disgust? More like self obsession, honey.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-12133296056.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-12133296056.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-12133296056.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-12133296056.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-12133296056.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-12133296056.jpgchained to cigarettes and bad ideasbuzznet:user:entry:id:379796912008--0-6-T12: 1:8:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:8:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:8:-08:00kasperobscene your brain won't shut up, but they all wish you would. a lifetime of apologies and far too much baggage, the eyes of a victim and the mind of a child. they think you naive, but you're just past caring, and what others have to lose you are still trying to gain.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121332002174.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121332002174.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121332002174.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121332002174.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121332002174.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121332002174.jpgskin is softerbuzznet:user:entry:id:379789012008--0-6-T12: 1:8:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:8:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:8:-08:00kasperobscene i miss the way your touch made my body mine again. i miss your body and the way i made you feel. your sounds and your movements, your touch and your sighs. soft skin and broken hearts, kisses in spring and a summer of longing.
x]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121331931274.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121331931274.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121331931274.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121331931274.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121331931274.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121331931274.jpgawkward angles, awkward shapes.buzznet:user:entry:id:379750612008--0-6-T12: 1:7:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:7:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:7:-08:00kasperobscene i can't make sense of my own body. i am not exaggerating when i say i do not know what i look like. i can't figure out if i need to lose weight or not.
people whose names i can't even remember have come to know my body better for a few fleeting moments than i have managed to do in twenty three years.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121331584763.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121331584763.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121331584763.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121331584763.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121331584763.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121331584763.jpgfurther plans of self improvement.buzznet:user:entry:id:379736612008--0-6-T12: 1:6:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:6:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:6:-08:00kasperobscene i am thinking of going celibate as well as giving up drinking. Booze and sex often go hand in hand for me, and i'm guilty of occasionally having unhealthy relationships with them both. I need to get to know myself better, and i need to start treating my body and my mind with more respect. I'm just trying to find out what exactly that actually means. All i know is that i've spent too many years not being very good to myself, and i want that to stop now. I think i deserve to like myself.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121331399954.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121331399954.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121331399954.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121331399954.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121331399954.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121331399954.jpgThe ongoing struggle that is self acceptance.buzznet:user:entry:id:379725412008--0-6-T12: 1:6:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:6:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:6:-08:00kasperobscene Fuck eating disorders. Fuck obsessing over how much you weigh. Fuck hating yourself for that podgy stomach or those flabby arms. Fuck starving yourself until you're so desperate for food that you eat until you puke and then eat and puke some more. Fuck hiding your pain and your feelings the way you hide your arms in the summer. Fuck your fucking self disgust. Start living. Now. You're worth it.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121331292428.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121331292428.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121331292428.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121331292428.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121331292428.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121331292428.jpgObnoxious fucking emo faggotbuzznet:user:entry:id:379658712008--0-6-T12: 1:4:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:4:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 1:4:-08:00kasperobscene these are my newest jeans. Yes, those are yellow skinny girl's jeans in a size small. I should be shot. Fucking hipster scum. I blame pete wentz.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121330709895.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121330709895.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121330709895.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121330709895.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121330709895.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121330709895.jpga detail, detached from its context.buzznet:user:entry:id:379670512008--0-6-T12: 0:2:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 0:2:-08:002008--0-6-T12: 0:2:-08:00kasperobscene i hope this isn't offensive. I don't think it should be. I just think it's a pretty picture. And obviously it's upside down because i'm An Artist, darling, not because i'm lazy. Heh.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-121330775958.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-121330775958.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-121330775958.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-121330775958.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-121330775958.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-121330775958.jpgcloseup of my new tattoo and what it means to mebuzznet:user:entry:id:349220412008--0-4-T27: 0:6:-08:002008--0-4-T27: 0:6:-08:002008--0-4-T27: 0:6:-08:00kasperobscene the keyhole is the most important part of the tattoo for me. as most of you probably know, it's lifted from the fall out boy logo, which in itself is a reference to a line from their song "XO" - "through the keyhole i watch you dress / kiss and tell / loose lips sink ships".
i wanted it to accompany the line "scars and stories" because both the sentiment of the line "we only do it for the scars and stories" and the eye through the keyhole mean a lot to me.
the eye through the keyhole represents the way i've always felt watched and judged when i've put myself in situations i shouldn't have been in and done things i shouldn't have done. it represents shame and regret, both self-imposed and imposed on me by others. but also, it represents the safety of knowing that there are always people watching me, if not literally watching all my movements, then people who will be around to watch me fall and pick me up when things get too bad. mostly, though, it represents feeling exposed and vulnerable and watched over by others in times i've longed for solitude.
the line about scars and stories is probably pretty self-explanatory - i've gone through a lot of shit and i have a lot of both to show for it. and i'm not going to let my past get me down, i'm not going to let what i've done and what's been done to me stop me from getting on with my life. it's not about getting over your past, it's about working through it, and that's what i'm doing. with all my scars and stories, with everything i have.
and there you go. that's what my silly little fall out boy tattoo means to me. i feel quite exposed writing this, as i hadn't planned on ever revealing the full meaning of it to anyone. but hey, honesty is the best policy and that.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-120930431069.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-120930431069.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-120930431069.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-120930431069.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-120930431069.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-120930431069.jpgwe only do it for the scars and stories... (new ink!)buzznet:user:entry:id:347455312008--0-4-T24: 1:1:-08:002008--0-4-T24: 1:1:-08:002008--0-4-T24: 1:1:-08:00kasperobscene it's my first proper fall out boy tattoo, and i love it to bits. it means more to me than "i really really like fall out boy", but let's not get all, ahem, "emo" here.
done by mari at buhu tattoo, bodø, norway.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-120906290234.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-120906290234.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-120906290234.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-120906290234.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-120906290234.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-120906290234.jpgyou look so much better when you're pixelatedbuzznet:user:entry:id:321785812008--0-3-T20: 0:1:-08:002008--0-3-T20: 0:1:-08:002008--0-3-T20: 0:1:-08:00kasperobscene i wish i could photoshop my face until there was nothing left of it. blurblurblur sharpensharpensharpen editeditedit. i think i need a new... me.
self-disgust? more like self-obsession, honey.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-12060032169.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-12060032169.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-12060032169.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-12060032169.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-12060032169.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-12060032169.jpgtake everything.buzznet:user:entry:id:318597512008--0-3-T15: 2:1:-08:002008--0-3-T15: 2:1:-08:002008--0-3-T15: 2:1:-08:00kasperobscene there is too much at stake.
there are too many feelings, and i know too much.
i am sorry, i am sorry, i am sorry.
there are things i haven't told you, things you must never know.
you are so good for me. you are so bad for me. you are not for me. i know.
but if you knew... if you knew.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/thumb-msg-120564243222.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/synd-msg-120564243222.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/mob-msg-120564243222.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/gallery-msg-120564243222.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/large-msg-120564243222.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/kasperobscene/default/feat-msg-120564243222.jpg
